March 15, 2009

Is It Possible To Revisit The Past?

Anyone with even a slight case of separation anxiety knows how hard it is to let people who were once a big part of your life slip away into oblivion. I mean, after all, how can you be comfortable with not knowing what's going on in their lives, and whether or not they're healthy and happy?

In this day and age of very accessible search engines and social networking websites I have found that re-locating those missing friends from my past is not really that difficult...and so far, so good; I've found everyone I've looked for.

That's the good part.

Has it always been everything I'd imagined it would be?


For some reason the old school friends, and aquaintances of mine from my earlier years (I'm not saying how long ago, and that in itself should tell you it's been a looong time) have become different people.

Where the heck did my friends go, and who are these imposters who vaguely resemble my friends, but are definitely different people?

The shy girl who had the "thing" with the older man wasn't too much of a shock. She's still with him and is mother to SEVEN kids, and isn't really interested in anything besides her brood.

Hmm. Nothing in common there anymore.

My super good friend who always wore the coolest lip gloss and had awesome long blonde hair, and was dating the football star, became a mailman (woman?) in the deep south and was very open with her disdain for her ne'er do well daughter. She was also open about how Mr. Bigpants football jock used to work off his aggressions by knocking her around. I got the feeling that this ended the innocence and excitement in her life.

I remember that we spent a wonderful week hiding out on the Sunset Strip when we were 16, and I would've never imagined what the future held for her, nor would I have dreamed those few days were the absolute pinnacle of her life.

We spoke a few times and promised to visit each other, but I knew that this sad and broken spirit and I had nothing in common anymore, and that we'd most likely never speak again. When I think of her I can still hear her saying, "Why do you sound so happy?" making me feel guilty for not being sad and dissatisfied with my life.

So what's the point of this story?

It's happened again.

I found another of my good friends I had lost contact with. We spoke last night and again, another imposter. The conversation was awkward and uncomfortable, and although I assured her we'd be getting together soon to catch up, I really (and sadly) have no intention of following through. H says we drift away from certain people for a reason, and I guess he's right. We have nothing in common except some faded memories of happy youth.

I guess life should be lived in the present.


-- Post From My iPhoneivw

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